physiology

"I love you despite the sex. If it was all about sex, I would have left you a long time ago... ha ha, just kidding..."

No, but it's true. Sex can be fun, but why must everyone be hung up on it? Friendships and commitments are often enough for me without sexual baggage. That's what the gool ol' five-finger shuffle is for. Still, I hope he really was just kidding...

So he'll be here in a few hours to begin carting my stuff away. Yet another move commences, and I'm not done packing yet. Not even started, really. I'm finding it harder and harder to motivate myself to do anything, and instead I hole up in here like a little hermit crab who hasn't changed its shell in a few days.

I suppose the first step is to throw things away. Then to pace and worry. Then on to heavy lifting and whatnot. Hum. Part of me is quite reluctant...

Often I just don't know what to think of myself. And here I am, using up my daily word allotment again. It is time to get motivated and move on, to stop snivelling and shivering and become the warrior I once was. Reminds me of something I wrote once...

self esteem poem

fear me.
I am on fire,
consuming myself,
ashes swept away
only to be delivered again by the wind,
stronger.

I have walked in the footsteps
of angels and giants;
I have touched the hundred-year-old carvings
of a dead poet on an ash tree;
I have strolled medieval streets
where discos shock the concrete with noise.
I am a force with which to reckon.

I am a sun-swept warrior of the tundra,
I plumb the moors and climb ropeless on the rockface;
I cannot be denied.
You must hear what I have to say,
the good, the bad, the ugly,
their eyes turned front and faces slack;
I am static noise!
You can't turn me off, I'll always be there,
lurking between the stations.

----

That was from another time. Anyway, since I can no longer deny the fact that it's Thursday (the sun had been up for a while, so it's no fluke), I'll be leaving tomorrow. If anyone wants my phone number back home, let me know. Otherwise I will be a rather difficult little beast to get a hold of for the next few months. Messages may or may not be checked. You know how it is. But my phone will still, to the best of my knowledge, be active in certain areas.

Now. Off to disinfect. And on with the lifting...

(...and i still haven't finished that paper goddamnshitcockfuckassdamncunt...)