outside the fishbowl, poking at the glass

Looking at the wedding photos of your childhood friends is weird. Even though Bunnyman and I have been together for some long and debateable period of time now, marriage seems like a foreign word. That's something normal people do. Not you, and not your friends.

Not like we haven't talked about it. He's brought it up to his parents, and I to mine, and they all approve, which is in itself odd. Part of me just doesn't see it actually happening, if only for the fact that I find it amazingly hard to picture myself in a wedding dress.

Plus, if things go my way, I may be in Japan this time next year. So many things could go wrong...I may get crappy reccomendations, I may not graduate on time, I may bomb the essay...and if none of those things happen, I may bomb the interview. The JET application should be posted in the next few days; most countries already have theirs out. All this waiting will result in still more waiting. Always waiting.

I suppose life will start soon.

In other news, I really wish the maintenance folks would stop fucking with our showers. They worked fine over the first few weeks. Now they're screwed up and need fixing after the first "fix".

Also, Chinese grammar is absolutely bizarre. You can say something like “爸爸，是做什么的？“ where 是 is a verb (to be as a linking verb) and 做 is a verb (to do), which makes the whole sentence literally translate as something like "father, is to do what your?"which should mean "what does your father do for a living?" No wonder we have Engrish. Also "boyfriend" （男朋友）translates literally as "to have a male friend," so you can say "I have male friend have" as "I have a boyfriend." I guess it's not much worse than Japanese. Words in Japanese that aren't really words are far too complicated to write. You can't just say "ichi," cos it depends on what you're talking about, and if you're talking about the number one, you have to say "ichiban," which requires a 12 or 13 stroke character that sensei is picky about. All attempts to simpify things are thus thwarted. And for some reason I insist on studying Asian languages.

Also to Blogger word verification: what exactly is a "ufohog"? Interesting.

excuse me while I dissappear off the earth for a while

I am sick. In the interest of getting better as quickly as possible, aside from going to classes I've been taking large quantities of drugs, supplements, and sleep.

NyQuil + beer + valerian = conk. Which is what I shall now do, thank you.

good times

I don't know if my blog works at the moment. If not, this should still be syndicated on facebook, and I still have a record of everything. Personal uses and whatnot. 'Cos who in this day and age keeps a pen and paper journal anymore?

I can feel things winding down. Even though they haven't really reached their peak for this year yet, the curtains are slowly beginning to lower, and something new is coming.

I have no doubts about passing this year. I know with my mediocre performance the past few years, all I really need to do is show up, and I'm gold. After that, who knows? Maybe I'll be in Japan. Maybe I'll be working at Taco Bell. Things change so quickly.

This is really early to be making this kind of post, but it's on my mind right now. I've had some damned good times in college, and very few of them are the traditional "party 'till you puke" college memories. Cleaning Manhaw's couch. Long walks at 3 a.m. down the Rail Trail. The smokers. Random chaos. Making fun of idiotic drunk people. That'll all be behind me in less than a year. I relish change; I'm always looking for the new experience hidden in the mundane, or not-so-mundane. We'll see how much change I get.

Also, I now apparently look like a man, and though I still have some (albeit scant) hair on my head, according to other people (who have hair), I've shaved it. Good to know. I apparently feel more sympathy with the male genatalia anyway.

information overload

I got back from the bar around three tonight. Coming up the stairs, winded in that slightly drunk smoked too many cigarettes kind of way, I see streamers. Crepe paper streamers. Past the streamers? Balloons, on the ceiling and the floor. Colored paper all over the walls. And a huge red sheet of colored paper on the floor. There are giant paper cameras and microphones all over the walls. And I see, on the bulletin board, I have my name beneath a paper trophy labeled "Most Outgoing." There are foam crowns on all the doors, including mine. Plus a huge blue star with my name on it.

Um.

I seem to have forgotten that they planned on decorating the bulletin board tonight. I didn't know the board incorporated everything else in the hallway. Including a desk chair parked in the C-room hall labeled "Director." My paranoia tells me they might have done this just to fuck with my head, for as far as I know there's no hall decorating contest going on. Or maybe they had a bit too much to drink.

There's a photo of two girls' asses across the hall. All I think when I leave my room is "OMG, circus!!" Jeeze. They did a decent job, though. A lot of work. And it sufficently weirded me out. Bonus.

I had a hot goth chick bellydancing in front of me tonight at the bar. Never met her before, probably never will again. I remember the same thing happening with the table-dancing gypsy chick several years ago, and I kick myself to this day for it. Granted, we were both drunk enough then to do someting. Tonight, not so much. Someone'd have to be either pretty drunk, or Bunnyman, to make a move on me anymore. That's alright, 'cos I can easily do without. Doesn't stop me from thinking about it though.

Meetings went well. Poor liberal arts students were saddened to see that everyone thinks our disciplines are as useless at the business world does. I have one whole student so far. Go languages.

I have to go home this weekend, contrary to former plans. This means I will be able to get almost no homework done. No catchup. Nothing. Sometimes, as bad as it may seem, I hate having people rely on me, or look to me for assistance. I'm restless; I need my schedule, but elsewhere. New routines. I don't know.

Maybe I'll go wander the halls, then work on Chinese.

edit: I had forgotten all about Parent's Weekend. Maybe 'cos I didn't have any reason to remember it. It seems there is some decorating contest going on, but oddly enough it's either restricted to the girls' halls, or only the girls feel like participating. Ours has the most "Holy crap, balloons!!" feel to it. I think we'll win. Granted, I had nothing to do with this.

childishness

I don't know where my title bar went (for those of you reading this on facebook (like I have tons of readers or something), it was once on my main blog), but I don't feel like investigating. Perhaps the internet copyright monsters ate it or something. It's been gone a while. This is just a place for me to write, so I really don't care overly much.

Sometimes I wonder where childishness goes. I know I'm still not as grown-up and businesslike as many (I still like my toys and my pretty shiny things), but I look back at the past and realize that somewhere along the line something's been lost. Curiosity. Upfrontness. The times when I could walk up to a stranger and ask them a million honest questions about what they were doing and how they got to where they are. I can't say it's because I already know all the answers to them, 'cos I don't. I can assume, and that's usually what I do. I still watch and wonder about people, but I no longer make up stories about them. It seems I've either presumably already figured them out, or don't care overly much. This was one of the things I never wanted to lose. Unfortunately, those sorts of things you usually don't notice leaving, and once they're gone you haven't the slightest idea as to how to get them back.

Sometimes I walk through the halls late at night, enjoying both the silence and the small isolated sounds coming from behind closed doors. Usually I have those sounds figured out: drunk people, people having sex, people drowning out exterior noise as they study. And sometimes I wonder what exactly is going on beyond those doors. I relish the fact that I am so close to so many, and yet am perfectly insulated against anything going on beyond. I like the silence. I like the low, constant drone of it. Even silence sounds like something.

Tonight was good. I'm in a good place right now, hopefully on my way. Is it the right way? Who the fuck really knows? I know that, for once, I'm happy. Content might be the right word. All seems right, and I'm moving along. But sometimes I wonder about what I've lost versus what I've gained, and if it really will equal out in the end. I hope so.

We continue forward, on the path of destiny, but do we always heed its call? Probably not. There's nothing left to do but live.

edit: P.S. crap what is it with those of the Aries and Virgo persuasions? Everyone seems to be either an Aries, a Virgo, or me, and they should stop. Ha. The end.